The Baby-Sitters Club: The Summer Before

So, gentle readers, I have finally done what any decent recapper would have done 5 years ago. I have read the BSC prequel published by Ann M. Martin back in 2010. I knew it was out there but I put it off, because really, did we need a prequel? Wasn’t Kristy’s Great Idea basically the prequel to BSC? Did we need more origin story?

The answer, after all, is yes. This was not a bad book! So as a special welcome back (to me) present, I’m recapping it for you. Along with offering a promise to get back into recapping regularly, 2009-style. I’ve moved, (yes, again) back home for good. I’m settled about 30 minutes from the Midwestern hometown I fled almost a decade and a half ago. I’m rebuilding relationships I thought were done for good. I’ve had a good run, in my beloved NYC, in other areas of the country for the last few years, and when circumstances, both good and bad, conspired to offer me the chance to try going home again, I felt I had to give it a chance. And so I find myself, 6 months later, feeling like Stacey returning to NYC or Dawn back to California, trying to navigate the old and new and reconcile the person I am now with the person I was then, and figure out where my home is and what my life will be in my new-old environment. So, I may as well recap the BSC while I do all this, no?

So let’s escape, back to Stoneybrook with a dash of NYC, to a more idyllic time. This book plays like a super-special, with different POV chapters and intertwining stories. There’s no Dawn (sad!), no Jessi (meh), and Mallory is limited to a fourth-grader no one cares about (yay!) Everybody’s dealing with change, and if I remember the summer after my sixth grade year correctly, a lot of it seems pretty plausible. There’s not a ton of action, but the good part is that this is old-school Ann M, none of that ghostwriter crap. There’s also CONSIDERABLE attention paid to continuity, and mad props for that!

Nobody's going to tell Kristy what to do-- especially not the Snobs!

The Baby-Sitters Club #11: Kristy and the Snobs

This is another old favorite. Not sure if it has anything to do with the story or the fact that it introduces the awesomely snarky Shannon Kilbourne and The Fabulous Amanda Delaney and her $400 cat, Priscilla,, or the fact that I just always really liked the super-preppy pleated skirt/sweater vest combos worn by Shannon and Amanda on the front cover. All the stuff with Louie in this book is actually really sad, even though I have a heart of stone. And also, if you really think about it, the life of the Thomas kids is kind of sad… so much change in such a short time—Elizabeth remarrying, gaining Watson, Karen (ugh), and Andrew as family members, moving across town, adjusting to new wealth (not that I’d mind that), and now their dog, one of the last few connections to their previous life, having to be put down. I am shocked they’re as well-adjusted as they are… one of them is going to come unhinged at some point (my money’s on Kristy.)

Also, a few life updates of my own! I have moved (yes, again) to a location much further south than I’ve ever lived, although I’m told this “Isn’t really the South.” Whatever. People call me ma’am and dress up for college football games. It’s the South. It’s nice to be back in an actual city-- a city 1/25th the size of my beloved NYC, but none the less, a city with more than one grocery store, coffee shop, and restaurant, and one in which the possibility of actually meeting a nice single man around my age with all his teeth and no children yet at least seems mildly feasible. I don’t ask for a lot, people.

Anyway, back in Stoneybrook, KT and the Thomas clan have slowly adjusted to life in the mansion, but as school starts again, Kristy finds herself having run-ins with the local tweens (who apparently were all away at camp all summer. Kristy would “kill” her mom if she ever sent her to camp… Conveniently forgetting the forthcoming “Summer Vacation” set-up!) Anyway, if there’s one thing Kristy hates, it’s a snob. Also, squirrels. She does not explain that little aside, but I feel like there’s a story there. As if, perhaps, one time in college Kristy was studying outside on the quad with some friends and a squirrel actually ran onto her blanket and stole the bag of cookies they were eating, causing significant shrieking and general consternation, and also leaving them snack-less. Little bastard. Not that I know anyone to whom that has happened…

So, Kristy’s first encounter with Shannon comes while waiting at the bus stop, when Shannon and her friends are whispering and looking at Kristy and generally being middle-school-aged girls. They ask Kristy if she’s “Mr. Brewer’s new kid” who’s been sending around baby-sitting fliers and she takes offense and there’s some typical 8th-grade back and forth and the encounter ends with Kristy being called “Jerkface” and Shannon being called “Snob” and me pouring another glass of wine.

She baby-sits, she recycles---She's Super-Dawn!

The Baby-Sitters Club #57: Dawn Saves the Planet

Oh, Dawn. I think the reason I have a copy of this book is because my mom bought it as a gift for me when I was going through my own "Budding Environmentalist" phase, wherein I subscribed to Ranger Rick (does anyone else remember that magazine? I loved it! and side note, I just learned it still exists!) and yelled at my dad every time he threw away the newspaper. And then I grew up, and realized environmentalist girl really wasn't me, and now I'm the kind of person who sometimes forgets/is too lazy to put her empty wine bottles in the blue bin instead of the black one, and is probably going to hell. See you there.

List of things that are going wrong with the environment at this very moment (1992), as written by Mrs. Gonzalez, "who is very cool and has long dark hair that she wears in a thick braid down the center of her back" (Ok, this is relevant how? Is this some sort of standard for being cool? Someone enlighten me!) and as read aloud to the rest of the class by Dawn the brown-noser:

• Acid Rain and Air Pollution
• Vanishing Animal Life
• Too Much Garbage
• Water Pollution

Yeah, acid rain has really come back to bite us in the butt, huh? This book is so old! Not that it wasn't/isn't a problem, but when was the last time you really heard anything about acid rain? I'm surprised there's no mention of the "Greenhouse Effect". No mention of Global Warming or Climate Change anywhere. So old-school! (And I'm going to say right now, since I'm going to be making fun of a lot in this book, that does not mean I intend to make light of environmental issues. I fully accept and support that these issues exist and need to be addressed politically, socially, and ethically. But can we all agree to do that while still making fun of Dawn for being such a crunchy granola hippy?)

Only Jessi knows what's really wrong with Mary.

The Baby-sitters Club #61: Jessi and the Awful Secret

Ah, lovely. Another yawn-inducing episode of “Intrigue at the Dance Studio” starring everyone’s favorite (black) ballerina, Jessi Ramsey.

We open in the dance studio and are hit immediately with Madame Noelle’s accent and Jessi’s musings on how wonderful she is at ballet. We are also treated throughout this book to lengthy explanations of multiple ballet moves, as well as phonetic pronunciations of the French names. Forget Livemocha, I’ll just add French to the long list of things I’ve learned from the BSC. Turns out Jessi’s dance school is offering a free 6-week class to some underprivileged kids from Stamford and Mme. Noelle needs volunteers. Pretty much the whole class balks at giving up 6 weeks of their lessons to help some dumb kids, but Mme. Noelle clearly knows she’s not teaching at Juilliard, as she reminds her students that they’re probably going to end up as teachers at some point in their career (Because those who can’t do, teach. Not that I necessarily believe that, but hey, I’ve seen “A Chorus Line.” I was also one of the approximately eight people who watched Bunheads this summer. I think this qualifies me to speak on the matter.)

Jessi volunteers, obviI, and so does Mary, this other girl from her class and subject of the titular awful secret, which is anorexia. For the record, here’s my awful secret: I. Do. Not. Care. At. All. About Mary and her awful secret. Maybe if it were Katie Beth, instead of some tertiary character we’ll never hear from again. (Katie Beth is awesome. She’s the Cokie Mason of Mme. Noelle’s dance studio.) Or poor sad sack Carrie who’s about to graduate from dance school without ever having the lead in a ballet because she keeps losing out on them to our intrepid 11-year-old (black) heroine. Wouldn’t that seem like more compelling motivation for an eating disorder?

Campfires, ghost stories-- summer vacations are the best!

The Baby-sitters Club Super Special #8: Baby-sitters at Shadow Lake

Good God, y’all. I know it’s been a while, but a lot has been happening in my life since I last abandoned you. I finished grad school. I attended my college reunion. I cheered on more friends than I care to count as they took the next steps that so far continue to elude moi: weddings, babies, book contracts, home ownership, laser eye surgery. I knew I had to do something, so here it is: I moved halfway across the country to take a new job, one where I am not disrespected and mistreated on a daily basis. I pulled a Stacey McGill (Original recipe and version 3.0)—I woke up one day and found myself leaving behind my comfortable, New York City life—a life of brunch and bridges and Broadway—and venturing back into Tinytown, USA, a world of SUVs and Applebee’s and carefully cultivated elm trees. I live in the Midwest again. Please don’t hate me.

The Tinytown library is a lot different from the NYPL and it contains very few BSC books. Plus, it took several months for me to work up the courage to venture inside. The people there… talk to you. It’s very awkward, if you believe, like me, that libraries, and indeed most public spaces, should be spaces of silence. They’re… friendly. It’s weird. Check-out lady, I don’t know you from Adam. I don’t need your views on the county fair. They’re… kind of slow and inefficient. (Must be all that talking.)

So, yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m known around here as “That bitch from New York.” But you know what? I’m okay with that label, because I’m pretty sure a certain Ms. Stacey McGill was also known by that moniker. Of course, lucky duck that she was, she eventually got to return.

Okay then! All that said, we’re diving back in with Super Special #8: Baby-sitters at Shadow Lake. I have reread this one many times. It’s long been one of my favorites, but until this read-through, I never took the time to pinpoint exactly why. It’s got all sorts of great stuff: sappy Stacey/Sam (Stam? Samcey?) moments, everyone treating Mallory like the dipshit she is, Dawn freaking out about ghosts, and minimal Mary Freakin’ Anne. Most importantly, everyone in this book is hysterically bitchy to each other. It’s phenomenal.

So Watson gets a letter from his ostensibly long-lost aunt and uncle with whom he used to spend summers at their cabin on Shadow Lake. Right off the bat I think there’s something weird about this, because the aunt (whose letter is written out as a prologue, and may I just say, she has lovely handwriting.) is all “Your uncle and I hope to meet Karen, Andrew, your new wife, and her children… We want to see what the boy we remember has become.” Well Aunt Faith, for starters, he’s become a millionaire. But if he’s that important to you, why haven’t you seen him since he was twelve? Were you not at either of his weddings? You only live in Pennsylvania, and you don’t seem to be particularly infirm, even if you are re-evaluating your will. Anyway, this is another example of me getting hung up on the first two pages of the book when there’s so much more goodness to come, so long story short: Aunt Faith and Uncle Pierson want to leave Watson their summer cabin on Shadow Lake in the mountains of western Massachusetts  (there are mountains in Massachusetts? My geography knowledge is further evidence of the decline of America’s schools) when they die, but only if he wants it. They suggest that he take his family on a vacation there to see if they like it.

So Watson not only takes his family, but 10 of his children’s nearest and dearest friends, including all six BSC-ers and 2 friends each for David Michael and The Insufferable Karen Brewer.  Luckily, this cabin sleeps 20-some people.

Dawn thought having a sister was going to be fun. Was she ever wrong!

The Baby-sitters Club #31: Dawn's Wicked Stepsister

Ugh to the nth degree, Dawn. I feel for you. If I had to live with Richard, Mary Anne, and freakin' Tigger, I think I'd have fled to the West Coast far sooner than you did. Shall we examine why?

We open at the glorious nuptials of Richard and Sharon. My first question is why are the majority of the people present the BSC and the Pike triplets? Don't Richard and Sharon have any friends or family? Granny and Pop-pop are present, and I believe Richard's parents have already passed on, but are they both only children? With no cousins or anything? Or longtime friends? Apparently the guest list consists of the BSC, the Pike triplets (I guess they are like Jeff's plus one (three)?), few of the not-so-happy couple's friends from work, and Sharon's parents. That is just sad. Actually, everything about this is sad. Watson and Elizabeth's wedding was so much better. Anyway, the actual wedding took place in the previous book, which I haven't read since I was about 8 years old, so I'll save any other comments so I have something to say when I finally get around to reading it. I will simply note that this book opens with the throwing of Sharon's bouquet, which Dawn really wants to catch because she thinks she deserves it as the daughter of the bride. Ugh. Give it 15 years, Dawn, and you will be desperately hiding at the bar at your cousin's wedding while your drunk Aunt Millie steals the DJs mic so she can call you out by name to gather round with the middle schoolers who are the only other single women at the wedding, and instruct your cousin to aim the bouquet directly at you, because you are "not getting any younger." And people wonder why I drink.

But it turns out MA catches the bouquet, beating everyone down in the process (SERIOUSLY. At what wedding does anyone actually want to catch the bouquet? At every wedding I go to, everyone just stands there and lets the damn thing fall on the floor, until one of the bridesmaids finally takes one for the team and throws herself on the grenade.) Whatever. I'm all worked up over this, and it's only like the first two pages of the book.

Who wouldn't want Claudia for a baby-sitter?

The Baby-sitters Club #56: Keep Out, Claudia!

You always know you're in for a treat when the BSC title includes its own exclamation point. Am I right or am I right? I totally remembered this book from my childhood, partly because I couldn't pronounce the word “prejudice”, which is used like 27 hundred times. I was actually pretty pleased with the handling of the main plotline here, but I could totally have done without the entire secondary plot, partly because it showcased one of my (many) BSC nemeses: the intolerable Jackie Rodowsky. Not to mention the insufferable Karen Brewer. Ugh. But we will get to that. All in good time, my friends.

New client alert (but don't get too attached. I'm 95% sure we never hear of these folks again, though with good reason.) Mrs. Denise Lowell requires a sitter for her 3 children: Caitlin, Mackie, and Celeste. Um, can I be prejudiced against Mrs. Lowell for naming her son “Mackie”? Mary Anne is the first unsuspecting soul to baby-sit for this fam. Mrs. Lowell gives her the once-over on the front stoop and deems her worthy. The kids are well-behaved, but inquisitive, asking MA all about her family and the other BSC members. When they hear about Mal's seven siblings, they decide the Pikes must be Catholic. I definitely remember that from my childhood reading of this book, because I was (and am) Catholic, but I had never heard that stereotype before. I knew plenty of people with big families, but it never occurred to me that their religion would have something to do with it. Also, isn't it a little weird for an 8 year old to know that? I mean, isn't that one of those wink-wink things people say because Catholics are technically not supposed to use birth-control? Does 8 year old Caitlin know that? Because that sort of skeeves me out.

Who's the boss?

The Baby-sitters Club # 122: Kristy in Charge

Since I've been recapping the BSC, I've definitely not been impressed by the later BSC books. Partly, I think because I've never read them before and therefore don't have the memories associated with them, and partly because, I think we can all agree, they are objectively horrific. That said, this is the book that starts the whole "Getting Rid of Mallory" arc, and frankly, that covers a multitude of sins. Also, the title of this post is so appropriate because my dear friend Jess has recently gotten me hooked on Who's the Boss reruns. Seriously that show is amazing. Highly recommend! So let's see what we can do with this, mmmkay?

So we open with Kristy in homeroom, listening to Ms. Garcia talk about some new program called "Teachers of Tomorrow" where students can volunteer to teach classes at SMS for a week. Is it just me, or is this a patently stupid idea? I mean, I get the idea behind it, and in a perfect world, it could be interesting and educational. But people? Junior High is FAR FROM a perfect world. And no one knows that better than the teachers. Why would any of them agree to this?

Tigger, come home!

The Baby-sitters Club #25: Mary Anne and the Search for Tigger

I know I’ve made it clear before that I’m not an animal person, so I’m just going to assume that losing a cat is this traumatic. Because sweet Peaches, the way MA carries on, you’d think she just lost her only remaining parent. Although actually, considering that parent is Richard, she probably wouldn’t care that much.

So MA is totally obsessed with her cat, and I think we can all see foreshadowing of her future as a crazy spinster cat lady once Logan finally comes out of the closet his sophomore year of college. She lets him (Tigger, not Logan) play outside one Friday afternoon while she goes to a BSC meeting, then comes home and can’t find him. Quelle horror! She freaks out and runs all over the house looking for him, then Richard comes home and indulges her paranoia for a few minutes by helping her look outside with flashlights (really? They need flashlights at 6:30 pm at a time of year when it’s warm enough in Connecticut to ride bikes and sit outside all afternoon? I call bullshit. Also, even if it is dark, don’t they have outdoor lighting and streetlights? Are “torches that could light up New York City” really necessary? No.) Finally Richard is all “MA, I don’t care about your cat anymore. Get inside and fix me dinner.” Except not in so many words. He’s just like “I’m sure the kitten is fine. He’s been missing for less than 2 hours. Back to your lives, citizens.”

Mary Anne's on her own. Can she take charge?

The Baby-sitters Club #4: Mary Anne Saves the Day

And we're back! New year, same old Stoneybrook. Thank God we have Mary Anne to save the freakin' day.

The BSC is inordinately attached to the Newton family. Now I like the Newtons. I've said before that I like to think Mrs. Newton was probably a pretty hip, cool mom, and all the girls seem really comfortable with her (unfortunately, as we'll see later on, that means they feel really comfortable acting like jerks in front of her), but their obsession with the Newton family, and especially baby Lucy, is getting kind of creepy at the point. Of course, that said, my co-worker brought her 6-month-old into the office today, and I got super-excited and probably spent half an hour making funny faces at her and could have gone on much longer except the baby had to go home. On the other hand, you have to factor in my absolute lack of desire to do anything resembling my actual job, so... where was I?

Oh yes, the BSC is creepily fixated on Lucy Newton and really, that is the crux of this whole shitshow of a book. Mrs. Newton calls the club and wants a baby-sitter for both Jamie and Lucy (remember that Mrs. Newton really doesn't trust these 12 year-olds with her infant. And with good reason-- they lose kids.) Kristy takes the job without offering it to any of the others (and FYI, in case anyone doesn't buy my "Mrs. Newton is awesome" theory, please note that the Newton's need a sitter because they are throwing a classic cocktail party from 6-8 pm on a Friday night. This is one of those awesome things that I fully intend to do once I a) have an apartment that is not someone's 300 square foot basement, and b) can afford to fully stock a bar. I will probably need to get married to achieve either of these goals. That's what Mrs. Newton did.) ANYWAY, Kristy taking this job without offering it around (club rule!) sparks this WAY out of proportion fight that sounds remarkably like all their other fights. Kristy is job-hog, MA is a baby, Stacey is a snob, Claudia is stuck up (I don't really see this one, but oh well. When you're 12 and yelling insults at each other, they don't always have to make sense. That is one thing I very vividly recall about 7th grade.) So suddenly, the very fabric of the BSC is threatened.

Stacey has never been so wrong in her life!

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The Baby-sitters Club #18: Stacey’s Mistake


Really, Stace? You’ve never been so wrong? Really? What about the time you thought you were going to run off to la-la-land with Scott Foley? What about the time you tried to set your mother up with appalling drama queen John Brooke? Let’s try to keep a bit of perspective here, ok?

I’m not going to lie, I LOVED re-reading this book. I believe that I have made clear in the past that Stacey’s life in NYC is pretty much the entire reason I chose to move from the Midwest to NYC when I was 23. And seriously, even though I am on the far side of my 20s these days, and Stace is 13, I totally identified with her SO MUCH in this book. Those parts will be made clear in the coming paragraphs through my squealing and digression into meaningless anecdotes from my own life. That is why you read, right?

So a bunch of the adults in Stacey’s (AWESOME, UPPER WEST SIDE, WHITE-GLOVE DOORMAN) building (seriously, what does Ed do for a living? I’ll marry him!) are planning to attend this big neighborhood meeting about homelessness (this is possibly the most bizarre premise ever, but I’m just going to run with it) and 5 different families ask Stacey to babysit. Rather than turn down 4 of them, Stace has the brilliant idea to invite the BSC (minus Jessi and Mallory, which right away shoots this book to the top of my LOVE list) to visit NYC and babysit all the kids.

Why can't everyone live like this?

The Baby-sitters Club #39: Poor Mallory!
Ah, yes, another ridiculous Mallory book about labor relations. Except this time, she deals with lay-offs and poor money management, instead of going on freaking strike because her parents expect her to help out around the house.

We open with Mallory giving like a 3 page discourse on use of the word “dibble” which is obviously the dumbest word ever. It’s like “Stop trying to make “fetch” happen, Karen” (tm Regina George). Dibble this, Mallory.

So Mr. Pike, the corporate lawyer, gets laid off. I’m just calling it like it is. This whole book they make a huge deal about him being “fired” so I’m just going to state here and now that he is NOT fired. He is laid off. He gets a pink-slip. It’s cutbacks. He’s let go. Fired would be if he f-ed up a big account then told his boss to f-off (which is something I personally dream about on a daily basis. I mean for me, not for Mr. P.) His company is downsizing. They let a ton of people go all in one day. THAT’S NOT FIRING. God, Ann M. Get it together. Given how many people I know these days who’ve been both fired and laid off, I think I know the difference.

Anyway, the Pikes, all 10 of them, pretty flip their shit at this development. I mean, it’s not great news or anything, but come on. It’s not the end of the world, unless the Pikes are as irresponsible with their money as they are with their parenting. They do seem to spend and awful lot of money on vacations and multiple baby-sitters. That first night, after Mr. P. makes the announcement, the Pike parents enumerate the austerity measures they will be implementing (unlike students in London, the Pike children do not riot) including no extras, no new clothes, no junk food, no allowances. One of the kids is like “Should we even be eating dinner?” Geez Oh freakin’ Pete, way to scare the shit out of your kids, Pike parents. How about take it down a few notches, okay geniuses?

The Pike kids form the “Pike Club” to discuss their family’s situation. The Pike Club is full of idiots.

There's trouble for everyone when a TV Star comes to town!

The Baby-sitters Club #27: Jessi and the Superbrat

Yes, it’s true. I’m alive and I continue to voraciously re-read the Baby-sitters Club. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have returned to voraciously re-reading the Baby-sitters Club. Why did I get sidetracked? Well, there’s my day job, which is lame. There’s grad school, which is also pretty lame. There’s also volunteer work, travel, friends, and valiant attempts to have some sort of romantic life, since I’m hitting the wrong side of my 20s to still be living the Sex and the City single life in New York (those women were just sad. If I’m still single when I’m that old, someone just put me out of my misery.)

But alas, I cannot let all of 2010 go by without a few nods to the BSC. I love this blog, I love my readers, and most importantly I love those crazy broads from the ‘Brook.

So we’re jumping back in with Jessi and the Superbrat, #27. I don’t recall reading this as a young’n, but the more I read the more familiar it became. So either I did actually read it and somehow forgot (it was pretty boring, so that’s not entirely unlikely) or every Jessi book is just so similar that they all run together.

So this kid called Derek Masters hails from Stoneybrook and is now the star of some TGIF style sitcom, after his making his mark in the (apparently large?) Stamford, CT kiddie-model market. Because of course one goes from starring Connecticut-based toilet paper commercials to L.A. based super stardom with nothing in between. Oh, BSC-world. I’ve forgotten how magical you are.

How could Mallory ever get tired of baby-sitting?

The Baby-sitters Club #47: Mallory on Strike

Oh yes, poor, sad, put-upon Mallory. I'm pretty sure I tried to pull this strike BS when I was a kid and my dad was all "Bee-otch, please. You go on strike, I go on strike. And if I go on strike, you lose food and shelter. Shut up and do your chores." Well, I might be paraphrasing, as my upstanding, conservative, Trip-Man-ish father has never, to my knowledge, used the word "Bee-otch" in his life... but it was implied.

So SMS is hosting a "Young Authors Day" featuring a writing competition and Mal wants to win "Best overall fiction" in the sixth grade. Ok, FINE. That is totally something I would have wanted to do, too. She only has a couple of weeks to write her story (which is going to be about a girl named Tess (why do people always name their characters "Tess"? Has anyone ever even met a "Tess" in real life? I haven't.) who feels taken for granted in her family. Geez, Mal, you're really taking that whole "write what you know" adage to heart. I sincerely hope Tess is not as annoying as you though), so she knows she'll need to really work hard.

Dawn's a California Girl!

The Baby-sitters Club #23: Dawn on the Coast

Well, no shit, Sherlock. We all know Dawn's a California girl. And we love her for it. (At least, I do. All my ideas about California were given to me by Dawn (and in college, by the O.C.) As far as I'm concerned, California is entirely populated by sun-worshiping, beach-loving, health-food-eating, environmentally-conscious, house-with-skylights-having blondes.)

It's spring break (a full two-weeks! Who ever got a full two weeks for Spring Break??? We were lucky to get a week. AND they'd always try to lump our Spring Break in with Easter Break... so annoying! Silly Catholic schools.) and Dawn is off to California to visit her dad and Jeff. Yay, Jeff! But she can't possibly leave without a BSC sleepover to see her off, so they all gather at Kristy's.

Do wishes really come true?

The Baby-sitters Club #48: Jessi's Wish

Okay, here it is. Another one of those "Sweet baby James, I was a weird child." confessions. I loved reading books about sick kids/teenagers. I thought Lurlene McDaniel books were amazing. Not that I ever wanted to be sick or anything (I'm not that twisted), but I did go through a brief phase of wanting to be a pediatric oncologist and cure cancer. Then I realized how much I hate a) bodily fluids and b) dead things (not like people- I don't have much experience with that! but like all the dead animals that I was supposed to dissect in 10th grade biology that I never, ever touched. My partner and I just handed our little dead creature to the guys who sat behind us and let them go to town... Not like our teacher ever even noticed-he was very rarely actually in the classroom, despite (or perhaps because of?) all the scalpels being wielded by hormonal 15 year olds.)

So I remember reading this book when I was 8 or 9 and liking it as much as I liked any BSC book. And I thought that like would carry over to my re-reading, but sadly not. As much as I truly don't mean to be a heinous bitch, this book was BORING.

Ok, so Becca is a member of the Kids-Can-Do-Anything Club at SES, composed of kids ages 8, 9, and 10 who volunteer and do service projects for the community. Ok, I can get behind that, that sounds nice. But when one of their teacher moderators decides to accompany her husband on sabbatical for a month (Who the hell goes on sabbatical for a month? Isn't it normally a year? I mean, I work at a university and as far as I know, you can't get sabbatical for less than a semester.) the other one doesn't think he can handle it by himself and they're going to have to shut the club down. But Jessi to the rescue! She volunteers to take Ms. Simon's place, and Mr. Katz thinks that would be great. Um, excuse me, but seriously, Mr. Katz? You can't handle 20 kids (aren't you a freakin' school teacher?) after school by yourself, but you can with the help of an 11 year old? Am I the only one to notice that Jessi is exactly one year older than several of the club members? Does he really think they're going to accept her as an authority figure? PUH-LEEZE.

Claudia might give up the BSC- and it's all the new girls fault!

The Baby-sitters Club #12: Claudia and the New Girl

See, I bet you all thought that I met some sort of new girl (or even better, new BOY) and was dragged away from my BSC recapping duties in order to become new best friends with this person and follow my other muse... but I didn't. And I don't really have another muse. What I do have, as I've complained about before, is a freaking job. And sometimes it really interferes with my life (oh, and grad school doesn't help much either.)

Claudia, on the other hand, does not have a job. She has her art. You know who else has art? Ashley Wyeth, the titular "New Girl." Ashley is one of those pretentious arty types that no one wants to talk to at cocktail parties, the kind who prattles on about her muse and who can't possibly see the humor in a story about someone else's annoying boss (I myself have myriad "annoying boss" cocktail party stories, and they are all hilarious. Maybe someday you all will be lucky enough to attend a cocktail party with me!) However, in this case, it sort of works, because Ashley doesn't want to talk to anyone else anyway. Except Claud.

Dawn thought she'd be baby-sitting--not monster-sitting!

The Baby-sitters Club #5: Dawn and the Impossible Three

I don't like that the title of this book implies that the Barrett kids are nightmares. They're not my favorites, by any means, but they're not terrors. Their mother is the impossible one, and I just can't stand her.

It's a fact. I really freakin' hate Mrs. Barrett. I've been straddling the fence for a while, but frankly, she just takes it over the edge. I get that divorce is hard. I get that single motherhood is not an easy thing to adapt to. But Mrs. Barrett? GROW UP. DEAL WITH YOUR LIFE. (For the record, these are the same things I tell myself when I start to have a flip-out. In fact, I should just tattoo the words "Deal with your life." on my forehead, I repeat them to myself so often.)

Okay, so Dawn is sitting alone at the Pikes for just Mal and the youngest three. Mal is a nosy parker (nose Pike-r? Ha! I pun!) and wants to know all about Dawn's "new-old" house (Mal's wordplay is not nearly as clever as mine. Ha! Take that Mal.) and her mother's relationship with Mr. Spier, which is a just a little creepy to me. But then Buddy and Suzi Barrett come over, and Suzi is crying 'cuz she skinned her knee, so Dawn has to take care of her and then Buddy and Suzi stay at the Pikes' house the rest of the afternoon. That's six kids. Why is that okay? Mrs. Pike always has two baby-sitters for more than four kids. And anyway, why should Dawn have to take care of extra kids? Send them home Dawn! You're not going to get paid any extra for watching the neighbor's kids (especially when that neighbor is the abominable Mrs. Barrett.)

Dawn is falling for a California boy!

The Baby-sitters Club #37: Dawn and the Older Boy

Oh, Dawn. Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. What are we going to do with you? Was I this clueless about guys when I was 13? Answer: Probably, but I must have hidden it better. At least, I hope I did.

So I endured multiple issues with this book, not least of which was the fact that I chose it because I was sure it was the one where Dawn starts trying to make herself over as a "wild child" and one of the things she does is put half her hair in little tiny braids before she went to bed one night and then the next morning she took them out so that half her hair was way frizzy and half of it was straight, and then she goes to school and talks back to the teacher, and informs us that sometimes, you have to take a bad grade in exchange for being cool. Of all the lessons I could have chosen to take from the BSC, that is the one that has stuck with me most vividly. Also, I totally tried to do that to my hair one morning, but my mother freaked out and made me wash my hair before she let me go to school. Unfortunately, none of that awesomeness took place in this book, damn it. Someday, somehow, I will find that scene and relive it. And it will be glorious.

But anyway, back to this book...

The BSC is slumber partying at Kristy's when they decide to go downstairs to breakfast the next morning in pajamas looking like death warmed over, because apparently they all fell asleep while doing makeovers and not a single one of them was smart enough to wash her stupid face? What about brushing their teeth? I mean, they were pigging out at that slumber party and if they all fell asleep without washing their faces, I think we can assume they didn't brush their teeth, and EEEW. Also, Claudia, sleeping with make-up on? Good luck keeping that perfect complexion your friends are always raving about in Chapter 2 of every single book. And Mal, maybe this behavior is part of why you have zits? Maybe stop complaining and instead break out the Neutrogena, hmmm?

Two weeks of sun, fun--and boys galore!

The Baby-sitters Club #34: Mary Anne and Too Many Boys

Happy birthday, Ann M. Martin! If we were really friends, I would throw you a slumber party in my stepfather's mansion. We would order pizza and give each other makeovers and discuss our crushes on boys like Bruce Schermerhorn and Pete Black, and how immature Alan Gray is. We would gossip about Cokie Mason and Shawna Riverson and discuss our forthcoming trip to the mall where we would get our ears pierced and our hair permed (well, Stacey would.) We would spread our sleeping bags out in a circle with our heads in the middle and be wary in case any of our brothers tried to play tricks on us. We'd giggle at Dawn for preferring Tofutti to actual birthday cake (Sacrilege!) It would be super-fun! Someday, mmmkay? Call me!

So in one of those weird, don't think too hard about it or your brain will explode time warps so common in BSC-land, Mary Anne and Stacey have re-signed up to be mother's helpers for the annual Pike family Sea City summer vacation. Despite Mallory being a baby-sitter now, the Pikes still elect to pay for two extra sitters in an effort to let Mal "enjoy her vacation." Whatever. Are the Pikes made of money? I guess if they want to waste it on baby-sitters, that's their business. But it would it kill them to spend ten minutes of their alleged "family vacation" with their damn kids?