Stacey's building a better parent trap...

The Baby-sitters Club #124: Stacey McGill-- Matchmaker?

I SWEAR I've not forgotten you all. Summer is a busy, busy time when you're as fabulously fun as I am. Oh, ok, fine. I'm not fabulously fun at all. In fact, I'm kind of a huge loser. But I really have been busy... well, if not busy, at least "away." See, I went back to the midwest for a vacation with my family, and we didn't have internet in the cabin by the lake, and then I stayed an extra week at my parents' house because the next Sunday was my great-grandma's 100th birthday party (Happy birthday, Baba Mary! That's a feisty old lady, people. I wouldn't be surprised if she outlives us all.) and I meant to use the time wisely by reading some of my old BSC books so I could recap them for you all, but then my mother found out about this blog and that opened a whole new can of worms regarding my life choices (Why am I writing a blog about the BSC? Instead of re-reading books I read in elementary school and then wasting my time on this foolishness, why don't I put some effort into actually getting myself published? Or, you know, married, as she would really prefer)and frankly, it was just easier to put the BSC books back in the closet she kept yelling at me to clean out and spend the week drinking with my cousin. Whew!

So what better way to kick it back off than a story about your favorite and mine, that paragon of fashion and style, that hair-perming, Hard Rock Cafe-loving, math-whizzing delight, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Ms. Stacey McGill... and her mother Maureen!



Stacey takes a sitting job for a new client, a Mr. John Brooke. John Brook(e)-- just like Meg's husband in Little Women. Oh, I love that book. But I never really liked the whole John and Meg thing because Meg wanted to be rich! I understand that that's not everything, but speaking as a kid from a background that would be similar to the March's, barring the 150 years between us (ie, we had a a roof over our heads and food on the table, but no money to throw around) I just always wanted Meg to get her wish and be rich, and I hated that she gave it up for this "true love" crap. Yes, I was a mercenary bitch of a 10-year-old. Though, to be honest, my opinion hasn't changed all that much in the intervening 15 years. I still want to marry well.

Anyhow, this particular John Brooke is a novelist with 2 kiddos- Joni (9) and Ewan (5). At first, they like Stace, but then Maureen comes to pick her up and John and Mo do some heavy duty flirting, right there in the open for the kids to see. (This is probably a good place to mention that John is recently divorced, and his ex moved to Atlanta to be a TV reporter, and their kids think she is coming back, even though that is clearly not the case.) Stacey is thrilled, as she thinks her mother deserves someone nice in her life (apparently, by this point Ed is dating some ho named Samantha back in New York... there's a Sex and the City joke in there somewhere, but I hate that show too much to actually dig for it. Also, let's take a moment to review the f-ed up nature of the timeline of this series. I recognize that by this point it's book 124, so all continuity has just flown the coop, but bear with me for a second. It's Thanksgiving of Stacey's 8th grade year. Stacey and her parents didn't move away from Stoneybrook until just before that same school year started. So let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say they left in August. By November, they've been seeing a marriage (divorce!) counselor for 3 months, actually gotten divorced, moved into new houses, Ed has found a serious new girlfriend, and Stacey has reached the point where she is okay with her parents dating and even playing Yenta for her mother? No way. No freaking way. I call bullshit.)

So now John's kids hate both Stacey and Mo, and they are nasty to Stace several times when she baby-sits them. John and Mo try to do things with all of the kids (including spending FREAKING THANKSGIVING together, like, brilliant idea, both of you), but Joni is nasty to all of them and makes it really uncomfortable. Mo doesn't like John's childrearing skills, although I have to say, Mo, you're no candidate for parent of the year yourself. Basically, Joni acts like a little bitch and John yells at her, and Mo is all "Oh, but she's just a scared, sad little girl" and I'm like "The hell she is. She's a little minion of Satan."

Stacey keeps trying to convince her mother to give John a chance, but Mo really has never seemed crazy about him from the start. Hell, I can't even tell if we're supposed to like him or not. Actually, this book was kind of confusing, and I'm 25 years old. I don't know how any 8 year olds understand it. Mo starts going on and on about how she's read John's novels and finds that she disagrees with his nihilistic worldview (like, what the hell does that even mean? Maybe I shouldn't have slept through Freshman Philosophy 101.) and she doesn't like that John didn't offer to help with the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner, blah, blah, what sort of macho example is that for his son, blah, blah. (PS. at Thanksgiving dinner, Joni throws a fit because she doesn't want to listen to classical music, she wants to listen to Hanson, damn it! That made me laugh, because it's one of the only times I remember a BSC book using an actual pop culture reference, rather than something made up, like Cam Geary, and also because it was so fitting- this book was written in 1998 (which, by the way, was the year that I was in 8th grade, and I totally dressed just like the Stacey on the cover-- flared jeans, a boyish-sweater with a stripe across the chest... apparently I was cooler than I thought in 8th grade...) and Hanson really exploded more in 1997, but it's totally fitting that 9 year old Joni would be about a year behind the "older" kids (I was a total Hanson fan... Man from Milwaukee is still an awesome song!)) Stace and her mom have been reading Pride and Prejudice together, and Stacey keeps trying to convince Mo that John is her "Mr. Darcy" which, puh-leeze. I love you Stace, but no. Also, your mother is no Lizzie Bennet (and while I have my soapbox out, can I just say that if you are going to use a classic like Pride and Prejudice as a theme throughout your book, even a crappy late-edition BSC book, you should at least make sure you freakin' know how to spell the protagonist's name! It's BENNET. One T. NOT BENNETT, which is how it is spelled throughout this entire damn BSC novel. God, ghostwriter, was your copyeditor a ghost too? EPIC FAIL.)

Eventually, Stacey goes to visit her dad in NYC for the weekend (and some boyfriend named Ethan. Who the hell is this Ethan? Stacey belongs with Sam Thomas! In my mind, they're married now.) and while she's gone, Mo breaks up with John. He takes it about as a well as a 16 year old girl would, meaning he spends the rest of the weekend calling Mo and wanting to cry about the break-up, to the point that Mo has to unplug the phone. What a loser.

At this point, Stacey finally was starting to make some headway with Joni, who is now upset because she thinks she caused the break-up that has turned her father into a snivelling idiot (at this point, I don't think much of John's childrearing skills either. I mean, I still hate Joni, but damn, John, buck up and be a man! You dated Mo for all of 3 weeks. Ellen Trimble from my high school didn't carry on like this, and she was a master drama queen!) Stacey is like "No, it wasn't anyone's fault, blah blah blah, we can be "sort-of sisters", even if our parents aren't dating." and Joni is happy again, and I simply do not care. Also, isn't Stacey already "sort-of sisters" with Charlotte Johanssen? How many sisters does she freakin' need? I have one, and that's really too many already.

Sweet lord, maybe that wasn't a good one to start with. I'm going to have to go read one of the classics to get my blood pressure down and remind me why I choose to do this when I could be out hunting for a husband of my own. Maybe I'll try Kristy's Big Day... do you think Elizabeth Thomas Brewer could provide me any tips on landing a divorced millionaire of my own?