Who's the boss?

The Baby-sitters Club # 122: Kristy in Charge

Since I've been recapping the BSC, I've definitely not been impressed by the later BSC books. Partly, I think because I've never read them before and therefore don't have the memories associated with them, and partly because, I think we can all agree, they are objectively horrific. That said, this is the book that starts the whole "Getting Rid of Mallory" arc, and frankly, that covers a multitude of sins. Also, the title of this post is so appropriate because my dear friend Jess has recently gotten me hooked on Who's the Boss reruns. Seriously that show is amazing. Highly recommend! So let's see what we can do with this, mmmkay?

So we open with Kristy in homeroom, listening to Ms. Garcia talk about some new program called "Teachers of Tomorrow" where students can volunteer to teach classes at SMS for a week. Is it just me, or is this a patently stupid idea? I mean, I get the idea behind it, and in a perfect world, it could be interesting and educational. But people? Junior High is FAR FROM a perfect world. And no one knows that better than the teachers. Why would any of them agree to this?



So most of the BSC wants to do this, except Claudia (for OBVIOUS reasons), Abby, and Jessi (for reasons I neither know nor care about). Kristy, duh, in a gym class and Stacey in a math class totally makes sense to me, and Mallory I can see wanting to do it, despite the fact that she's batshit crazy and will never succeed, but WTF is Mary Anne doing? Real Mary Anne would never do this. Too bad Dawn's not here, she could teach earth science and piss everyone off. I bet Janine the Genius is totes pissed off that they didn't have this program when she was at SMS. Maybe she can take over Stoneybrook Junior College! Also, where is Logan?


They all get their assignments on the first day of teacher training, which mostly just consists of lesson planning. Kristy totally zones out because she doesn't think any of this applies to gym teachers, and instead spends the time weighing the pros and cons of making the BSC write out lesson plans for their sitting jobs. Good God. Claudia is going to lead a revolt one of these days. Mary Anne gets assigned to a social studies class, Stacey gets a math class, and poor sad dumb 6th-grade Mallory gets assigned to an 8th-grade English class and quite literally, flips her shit. I mean, if she were a monkey, there'd be poo flying. Calmate, el loser-o.


In meeting with the gym teacher, Ms. Walden (whom Kristy decides to hate, because she yells at her for running in the hall, whatevs), KT learns that she has to co-teach with some doofus named Cary Retlin, who she is totally going to marry. He's a dumb-ass in the way all 8th grade boys are, but he's a vast improvement over Bart the (woman)Basher. Apparently Cary has some sort of history with the BSC that I don't know or care about because I never read any of these books much about the 70s. Kristy informs us "Cary Retlin and the BSC have a bit of a history. In his cool, mellow way, Cary has decided that it's his role in life to keep the BSC from becoming 'complacent and boring.'" Um, Cary? You are failing MISERABLY.


So Kristy and Cary's class on soccer goes about as well as you'd predict. Ms. Walden yells at Kristy the next day for not having a lesson plan and tells her she needs to make an effort to work with Cary. Kristy does throw herself into lesson planning, but still refuses to work together with Cary. OMG, just make out already, ok? They decide to divide the students up into teams and each coach one in a game. This ends in brawl. Seriously? A kid gets his tooth knocked out. Another girl gets sent to the emergency room with a freakin' broken arm. If everyone in Stoneybrook is a lawyer, WHY DOESN"T ANYONE EVER SUE THESE IDIOTS? This is exactly why this program is a terrible, terrible idea that would never make it past any school board in the country. I am once again awed by Stoneybrook's stupidity.


After being chewed out by the Vice-principal and informed that the program will be shut down if they can't get it together (um, OMG. They put students in physical danger! They caused a 50-kid fight! KICK THEM OUT. God, discipline is a dirty word around here, isn't it? Also, where were the actual teachers who were supposed to be supervising? I'd guess that Mr. De Young and Ms. Walden were off making out, but "in the grand tradition of PE teachers, Ms. [Walden] seemed to be same-sex oriented." (Thank you, Cher Horowitz!)) Kristy finally stops being a dipshit and talks to Cary about some idea she comes up with for a Pass-athon for their final class. Um, Kristy, these are 7th graders. They're not your damn Krushers. They don't give a shit about any of this. And neither do I.


Meanwhile, Kristy and Mary Anne are in the English class that Mallory teaches, along with that charming bitch, Cokie Mason. Honestly, I get that it might be intimidating to teach 8th graders when you're in 6th grade, but Mal just takes it too far. Get a grip, woman! She just FREAKS OUT, and I mean if you're that scared, just quit the program. How does she not understand that middle school students can smell fear (not that she's even trying to hide it)? So anyway, she's supposed to be teaching poetry to Ms. Simon's class (and can I just stop and ask why ALL of these teachers are Ms? I'm all for the use of Ms. when that's what the woman prefers, but do they all really prefer that? Aren't any of them married? Aren't any of them elderly spinsters who insist on Miss (or really young single teachers like my sister who think that Ms. makes them sound old)? Is this some kind of CT school policy? Because if so, it sucks. I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose her own honorific. Also, it reinforces my plan to just get my Ph.D. so I can avoid all this by just making everyone call me Doctor.) and the kids just pounce on Mal's fear, led by Cokie Mason and Grace and some other kids whose names I don't recognize. "Spaz Girl" comes from Mal dropping a bunch of papers and accidentally breaking some chalk. Ms. Simon does her best to control the class, and Kristy and MA try to help Mal out, but there's just no saving this shitshow. I blame Mal for being a dingbat, but I also blame the entire faculty and administration of SMS for ever thinking that this program was a good idea in the first place. However, it's still one of the most absurd reasons ever to cut and run for boarding school. But I'm not complaining.


In baby-sitting news, Vanessa Pike forces her siblings to play school with her, where she teaches them poetry. When they don't want to, she blackmails them into participating and then claims that's what teachers do, when they say things like "Your parents are going to hear about this" and "I'll have to report you to the principal." She's... absolutely right. Oh, V, you crafty wench. Finally, Nicky and Margo and Claire actually tie her up and gag her to get her to stop. Oh, puh-leeeze. Abby is baby-sitting and sets her loose and has a talk with her about being a good teacher and la-di-da. I don't care.


Some questions: Since when is "Pow" the Pikes' bassett hound? I thought he belonged to the Barretts. Did something happen to the Barretts? Also, since when does Watson's ex-wife live in Chicago with Andrew? And finally, has anyone ever looked at the weird "BSC pictures" in the back of some of these newer books? Kristy's family looks NOTHING like I picture them. For one thing, Watson looks creepy as all hell, and Nannie looks like an elderly Native American chief. Sam's about to kick Andrew in the head, and where the hell is Boo-boo? Not cool. Not. Cool.