Who's the boss?

The Baby-sitters Club # 122: Kristy in Charge

Since I've been recapping the BSC, I've definitely not been impressed by the later BSC books. Partly, I think because I've never read them before and therefore don't have the memories associated with them, and partly because, I think we can all agree, they are objectively horrific. That said, this is the book that starts the whole "Getting Rid of Mallory" arc, and frankly, that covers a multitude of sins. Also, the title of this post is so appropriate because my dear friend Jess has recently gotten me hooked on Who's the Boss reruns. Seriously that show is amazing. Highly recommend! So let's see what we can do with this, mmmkay?

So we open with Kristy in homeroom, listening to Ms. Garcia talk about some new program called "Teachers of Tomorrow" where students can volunteer to teach classes at SMS for a week. Is it just me, or is this a patently stupid idea? I mean, I get the idea behind it, and in a perfect world, it could be interesting and educational. But people? Junior High is FAR FROM a perfect world. And no one knows that better than the teachers. Why would any of them agree to this?

Tigger, come home!

The Baby-sitters Club #25: Mary Anne and the Search for Tigger

I know I’ve made it clear before that I’m not an animal person, so I’m just going to assume that losing a cat is this traumatic. Because sweet Peaches, the way MA carries on, you’d think she just lost her only remaining parent. Although actually, considering that parent is Richard, she probably wouldn’t care that much.

So MA is totally obsessed with her cat, and I think we can all see foreshadowing of her future as a crazy spinster cat lady once Logan finally comes out of the closet his sophomore year of college. She lets him (Tigger, not Logan) play outside one Friday afternoon while she goes to a BSC meeting, then comes home and can’t find him. Quelle horror! She freaks out and runs all over the house looking for him, then Richard comes home and indulges her paranoia for a few minutes by helping her look outside with flashlights (really? They need flashlights at 6:30 pm at a time of year when it’s warm enough in Connecticut to ride bikes and sit outside all afternoon? I call bullshit. Also, even if it is dark, don’t they have outdoor lighting and streetlights? Are “torches that could light up New York City” really necessary? No.) Finally Richard is all “MA, I don’t care about your cat anymore. Get inside and fix me dinner.” Except not in so many words. He’s just like “I’m sure the kitten is fine. He’s been missing for less than 2 hours. Back to your lives, citizens.”

Mary Anne's on her own. Can she take charge?

The Baby-sitters Club #4: Mary Anne Saves the Day

And we're back! New year, same old Stoneybrook. Thank God we have Mary Anne to save the freakin' day.

The BSC is inordinately attached to the Newton family. Now I like the Newtons. I've said before that I like to think Mrs. Newton was probably a pretty hip, cool mom, and all the girls seem really comfortable with her (unfortunately, as we'll see later on, that means they feel really comfortable acting like jerks in front of her), but their obsession with the Newton family, and especially baby Lucy, is getting kind of creepy at the point. Of course, that said, my co-worker brought her 6-month-old into the office today, and I got super-excited and probably spent half an hour making funny faces at her and could have gone on much longer except the baby had to go home. On the other hand, you have to factor in my absolute lack of desire to do anything resembling my actual job, so... where was I?

Oh yes, the BSC is creepily fixated on Lucy Newton and really, that is the crux of this whole shitshow of a book. Mrs. Newton calls the club and wants a baby-sitter for both Jamie and Lucy (remember that Mrs. Newton really doesn't trust these 12 year-olds with her infant. And with good reason-- they lose kids.) Kristy takes the job without offering it to any of the others (and FYI, in case anyone doesn't buy my "Mrs. Newton is awesome" theory, please note that the Newton's need a sitter because they are throwing a classic cocktail party from 6-8 pm on a Friday night. This is one of those awesome things that I fully intend to do once I a) have an apartment that is not someone's 300 square foot basement, and b) can afford to fully stock a bar. I will probably need to get married to achieve either of these goals. That's what Mrs. Newton did.) ANYWAY, Kristy taking this job without offering it around (club rule!) sparks this WAY out of proportion fight that sounds remarkably like all their other fights. Kristy is job-hog, MA is a baby, Stacey is a snob, Claudia is stuck up (I don't really see this one, but oh well. When you're 12 and yelling insults at each other, they don't always have to make sense. That is one thing I very vividly recall about 7th grade.) So suddenly, the very fabric of the BSC is threatened.

Stacey has never been so wrong in her life!

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The Baby-sitters Club #18: Stacey’s Mistake


Really, Stace? You’ve never been so wrong? Really? What about the time you thought you were going to run off to la-la-land with Scott Foley? What about the time you tried to set your mother up with appalling drama queen John Brooke? Let’s try to keep a bit of perspective here, ok?

I’m not going to lie, I LOVED re-reading this book. I believe that I have made clear in the past that Stacey’s life in NYC is pretty much the entire reason I chose to move from the Midwest to NYC when I was 23. And seriously, even though I am on the far side of my 20s these days, and Stace is 13, I totally identified with her SO MUCH in this book. Those parts will be made clear in the coming paragraphs through my squealing and digression into meaningless anecdotes from my own life. That is why you read, right?

So a bunch of the adults in Stacey’s (AWESOME, UPPER WEST SIDE, WHITE-GLOVE DOORMAN) building (seriously, what does Ed do for a living? I’ll marry him!) are planning to attend this big neighborhood meeting about homelessness (this is possibly the most bizarre premise ever, but I’m just going to run with it) and 5 different families ask Stacey to babysit. Rather than turn down 4 of them, Stace has the brilliant idea to invite the BSC (minus Jessi and Mallory, which right away shoots this book to the top of my LOVE list) to visit NYC and babysit all the kids.

Why can't everyone live like this?

The Baby-sitters Club #39: Poor Mallory!
Ah, yes, another ridiculous Mallory book about labor relations. Except this time, she deals with lay-offs and poor money management, instead of going on freaking strike because her parents expect her to help out around the house.

We open with Mallory giving like a 3 page discourse on use of the word “dibble” which is obviously the dumbest word ever. It’s like “Stop trying to make “fetch” happen, Karen” (tm Regina George). Dibble this, Mallory.

So Mr. Pike, the corporate lawyer, gets laid off. I’m just calling it like it is. This whole book they make a huge deal about him being “fired” so I’m just going to state here and now that he is NOT fired. He is laid off. He gets a pink-slip. It’s cutbacks. He’s let go. Fired would be if he f-ed up a big account then told his boss to f-off (which is something I personally dream about on a daily basis. I mean for me, not for Mr. P.) His company is downsizing. They let a ton of people go all in one day. THAT’S NOT FIRING. God, Ann M. Get it together. Given how many people I know these days who’ve been both fired and laid off, I think I know the difference.

Anyway, the Pikes, all 10 of them, pretty flip their shit at this development. I mean, it’s not great news or anything, but come on. It’s not the end of the world, unless the Pikes are as irresponsible with their money as they are with their parenting. They do seem to spend and awful lot of money on vacations and multiple baby-sitters. That first night, after Mr. P. makes the announcement, the Pike parents enumerate the austerity measures they will be implementing (unlike students in London, the Pike children do not riot) including no extras, no new clothes, no junk food, no allowances. One of the kids is like “Should we even be eating dinner?” Geez Oh freakin’ Pete, way to scare the shit out of your kids, Pike parents. How about take it down a few notches, okay geniuses?

The Pike kids form the “Pike Club” to discuss their family’s situation. The Pike Club is full of idiots.