Guess which one's the walking disaster!

The Baby-sitters Club #20: Kristy and the Walking Disaster

Oh, what better time to blog about Kristy's Krushers than while watching my beloved Detroit Tigers stomp all over the dastardly Minnesota Twins? That's right, I'm a baseball addict. But here's the thing: I wasn't always, which is probably why I honestly can't remember if I read this book as a kid or not. Parts of it seemed vaguely familiar, but I really don't remember it the way I remember most of these BSC books, and I wouldn't put it past Baby-Sarah to totally not read something dealing with sports, of which I was not a fan. On the other hand, Baby-Sarah once got bored enough on a family camping trip to explore the wide world of my brother's Matt Christopher books, and ended up enjoying them, although I could not for the life of me grasp the title "The Year Mom Won the Pennant." I spent the whole trip trying to figure out what a "Year Mom" was, even after I read the stupid book. Also, one of the sports books was about some brothers, one who was good at football and one who wasn't, and then they switched places and the not good kid tried to play football and he got penalized for "clipping" and it was explained in great detail that I tried desperately to follow, but to this day I have absolutely no idea what "clipping" entails, unless it's referring to toenails. And now I just grossed myself out and went off on a wild tangent, so let's just get back to Kristy now, shall we?

We've got Kristy's sibs and their friends wanting to play softball, but basically sucking too badly to even join Little League. I don't know, my brothers played Little League back in the late 80s/early 90s, before it became the tutti-frutti, "everybody wins", boring-ass lameness that it is today (My parents were the statisticians for my older brother's 5 year old t-ball team. I kid you not. There was a special record book and everything. Is it any wonder that we all grew up to be cutthroat competitors?) but even in that era, any kid who wanted play could play. I mean, who's stopping these kids from joining a team? Is it really just that they're embarrassed? Because, honestly, that's stupid.



But whatever, because suddenly Kristy has the bright idea to form a team of those who are too young or too incompetent to join a real Little League team. They get together for practice and generally suck, and then they are challenged to a game by Bart's Bashers. Shouldn't Kristy have insurance or something if she's going to be teaching softball? I guess maybe if she doesn't charge money or something, but still... I feel like one of these kids is going to get bonked on the head and then the parents will sue, especially because Kristy has a rich stepfather, and be awarded a huge sum in damages, and Watson will lose all his money and the entire Thomas-Brewer clan will end up living in the Pink Clinker. Actually, that might be a storyline I would have enjoyed. Also, I've got to stop reading John Grisham novels.

So while preparing for the game against the Bashers, Bart brings a bunch of his players over to spy on Krushers practice. His kids are assholes. Seriously. I'm generally all for kids making fun of each other (preparation for the real world, I call it!) but his kids are downright spiteful. They make fun of Matt Braddock for being deaf. They call Jake Kuhn "fatso." They call Jackie Rodowsky "Pigpen" (as in Pigpen from Peanuts cartoons. Okay, that's not the most hard-hitting insult, but still...) And Bart? Well, he does nothing.

Honestly, he's kind of an asshole the whole book too, and what I suppose is realistic, but really, really pisses me off, is that my beloved Kristy just takes it. No getting angry, no confronting him, nothing. I know she has a big old crush on him, and I definitely wouldn't have (and didn't) confronted the love of my life in eighth grade for being a jerk either, but still! He's just kind of cocky and then condescending, and it is really, really off-putting. Ugh. I liked Bart later on (especially in the Snowbound Super Special where he has to stay overnight at the Brewers even though he lives like, 3 doors away. I'm pretty sure he could have found his way home. It wasn't like one of those prairie blizzards they had in Laura Ingalls Wilder novels where Pa had to tie a rope from the house to the barn so you could follow it back and forth, so you didn't wander off and die when you went out to milk the cow. But, wow, that is such a topic for another day. I must be really caffeinated tonight, because I am all over the place!) As I was saying, I liked Bart later on, but this Original Recipe Bart is a grade-A jackass (so, actually, probably the most realistic eighth grade boy ever written in this series.)

Long story short (that's just an expression, as I understand there is nothing short about this wildly digressing recap), the Krushers and the Bashers play. The Bashers win, 16-11, but the Krushers have infinitely more spirit, and Kristy decides winning isn't everything, especially after Bart asks her out on the way home from the game, after basically telling her in a voice positively dripping with condescension that he really didn't even expect the Krushers to score a run, and that its so nice that her team has so much spirit, because they pretty much suck, which is true, but hey Bart? If your team's so awesome, why aren't they playing real Little League? Also, your team let 2 year old Gabbie Perkins get on base, so maybe cut back on the attitude a little, mmmkay? But Kristy's just like "Yeah. My team is special. And oh, Bart, you're so dreamy [flutters eyelashes]." Oh, Kristy. I understand. I've been there. But damn I wish I could go back and kick some Parker Harrington ass. And I hope that when you reflect on this when you are 25, you dream about kicking some Bart Taylor ass. Because you, my friend? Can do better. Where's Alan Gray these days?

So why is this book called "Kristy and the Walking Disaster"? I don't know. Jackie Rodowsky only gets like, 6 lines in the whole book. But wait! Kristy meets Jerk Bart when she's out walking Shannon! And he invites her to walk home with him from practice and the game! Maybe "Walking Disaster" is code for "Kristy totally loses all her kick-ass-ness and becomes meek and timid when she goes on these walks with Bart, where he treats her like a six year old and displays his future as an almost-but-not-quite-emotionally-abusive frat boy, and that is a real disaster." Which actually, would be kind of cool. Huh. Walking Disaster. Oh my gosh, do you think that's it? Because I'm pretty sure Ann Martin was a feminist, and this book has Kristy acting like freaking Sandy from Grease before her makeover (make no mistake, I love that movie, but Sandy? Kind of a moron.) And the whole play on the words "Walking Disaster" would be totally clever and subversive. I love it. I choose to believe it. It elevates my BSC love to an entirely new cultural context. Oh, man, this would have made a great essay for a feminist lit class in college. Somebody younger than me, run with it! And credit me in a footnote. Because that would be a lifelong dream come true.