Happy birthday, Ann M. Martin! If we were really friends, I would throw you a slumber party in my stepfather's mansion. We would order pizza and give each other makeovers and discuss our crushes on boys like Bruce Schermerhorn and Pete Black, and how immature Alan Gray is. We would gossip about Cokie Mason and Shawna Riverson and discuss our forthcoming trip to the mall where we would get our ears pierced and our hair permed (well, Stacey would.) We would spread our sleeping bags out in a circle with our heads in the middle and be wary in case any of our brothers tried to play tricks on us. We'd giggle at Dawn for preferring Tofutti to actual birthday cake (Sacrilege!) It would be super-fun! Someday, mmmkay? Call me!
So in one of those weird, don't think too hard about it or your brain will explode time warps so common in BSC-land, Mary Anne and Stacey have re-signed up to be mother's helpers for the annual Pike family Sea City summer vacation. Despite Mallory being a baby-sitter now, the Pikes still elect to pay for two extra sitters in an effort to let Mal "enjoy her vacation." Whatever. Are the Pikes made of money? I guess if they want to waste it on baby-sitters, that's their business. But it would it kill them to spend ten minutes of their alleged "family vacation" with their damn kids?
The whole BSC is off on vacay, leaving just Kristy and Jessi in Stoneybrook (Dawn is off to CA, and Claud's fam is going to Vermont (is Vermont a big vacation destination in the summer? I mean, if you can't ski, what do you do? Claud's family doesn't really strike me as the outdoorsy type. Is there a beach or something in Vermont? I guess they could be going to like a lake resort or something, but what will they do for two whole weeks?))
Soon upon arrival in Sea City, boys start causing trouble in the lives of our girls (Sigh. When do they not?) Mary Anne and Stacey meet up with their former summer flings, Alex and Toby (respectively). Stace is thrilled and (re)falls harder for Toby than I would have liked her to. Calm down, Stace. We all know that a) you're awesome, so there's no need to go throwing yourself at some guys feet (didn't you learn your lesson with Scott?) and b) you will always belong with Sam Thomas (Kristy's brother, not the founder of Wendy's). Mary Anne, meanwhile, feels her heart all aflutter when she reunites with Alex, the first boy she ever really liked, but she doesn't want to admit it. "Logan doesn't have to worry because I will always be true to him. He's my boyfriend and always will be." Ok, Mary Anne, a) Methinks the lady doth protest too much, and b) You're 13! Who at 13 talks about "being true" to her boyfriend? And also, he will not always be your boyfriend. I can pretty much guarantee, not just because I am convinced he's gay, but also because I've read ahead and I know that the two of you will be breaking up in approximately 10 books. So you might want to cool it with "Love of my life" schtick. Grazie.
So the Pikes have allowed Stace and MA each one night off each week, but they have to take it on separate nights, so that the Pike parents can foist their brood off on the other sitter and Mallory, rather than spend even ONE EVENING caring for their own children. I'm sorry, Pikes, I don't like your children either, but then, I didn't bring them all into the world. Geez. Anyway, there is some miscommunication that results in Stacey and Mary Anne both planning dates with Toby and Alex (respectively) on the same Friday night. Stace is kind of a bitch about it, and MA is a wuss, so Mary Anne ends up staying home with the kids that night. She reschedules her date with Alex for the next day, but when she goes to get ready, Stacey informs her that she and Toby are going out again. MA is having none of that, and for once stands her ground, despite Stacey's pleading. It really is unfair of Stacey to take advantage of MA like this... there must be something in the Sea City air that brings out the bitch in her.
Mary Anne and Alex go out to a "real" seafood restaurant and after some initial awkwardness and MA's internal dithering about what this date means for her relationship with Logan, they end up having a nice night. A few days later, Stacey and Toby go out again, and at the end of the evening, he dumps her. Boy, that one really is a class act, no? He wants to go home and date other people and not be tied to her, which I totally understand, but to not even pretend to want to remain friends with her (as she suggested) is just cold. That jackass does not deserve Stacey (Hey, Stace, you know who worships the ground you walk on? Sam Thomas... I'm just saying...) After all this, Stace apologizes to MA and they are friends again, then Mary Anne and Alex go out for their last date, which is even more awkward than the first, until finally, MA lets it slip that she does have a boyfriend at home, and Alex confesses to having a girlfriend (so basically, they're both cheaters?) and they realize that they are better off as friends and part in peace.
In other news, Vanessa Pike (whom I like infinitely better than Mallory- why can't Vanessa be a baby-sitter? Even her rhymes are charming) develops a crush on this twelve year old kid, Chris, who works at the Sea City Ice Cream Palace. Okay, first of all, what place hires a 12 year old kid? And not just to wipe tables or something, but to actually work the counter and prepare food? Isn't that illegal? There's not even a quick "Oh, my dad owns this place" explanation. We are just supposed to accept that New Jersey allows food service establishments to employ sixth graders? No. Just no.
Anyway, Vanessa becomes his secret admirer and slips him notes with anonymous love poems she's written. Ha! That's so something I would have done. Probably should not be admitting that, but oh well. Sadly, Chris has no taste, as he thinks the poems are from Mallory and he would like to go out with her, thereby breaking Vanessa's heart (Vaness, you're too good for him, doll. Anyone who would prefer your sister is capital-C-razy.) Mallory, BTW, is completely in the dark about this, and Chris never speaks to her directly. He tells Vanessa to tell Mal that he'd like to go out with her (Mal) on Saturday. Way to be a man there, Chris. Vanessa is shattered but maintains her dignity in a way that makes me love her all the more. She simply writes Chris a final note telling him that they can't go out because the Pikes are leaving Sea City on Saturday morning. She does not tell him it's her, not Mal, nor does she tell Mal. She just keeps it her little secret heartbreak. So poetic. I love it.
Finally, back in Stoneybrook, Kristy and Jessi have a couple of memorable sitting jobs. Kristy sits for the Rodowsky boys and takes them to the pool. I know they always call Jackie Rodowsky "the walking disaster" but are quick to point out that things aren't really his fault and they just "seem to happen when he's around." but I am tired of that line and I am finally calling bullshit. Jackie Rodowsky doesn't listen, doesn't have any common sense, and yes, he really does cause most of the problems. Maybe if he were punished for misbehaving, these things would stop happening. Case in point: Kristy takes the boys to the pool. Jackie insists on getting a giant cookie from the snack bar. Jackie then proceeds to use it to taunt his little brother Archie, who is swimming. The cookie falls in the pool. That right there is Jackie's fault, and he should be punished for it. But Kristy, who can usually be counted on to be a pretty good disciplinarian, does nothing.
"Jackie stood at the edge of the pool, waving the cookie playfully in front of Archie's nose...and then- the cookie fell into the pool! 'I'm sorry, it was an accident.'...Kristy put her arm around him. No wonder he was upset. Being a klutz isn't much fun. [Baloney!]... 'You're not supposed to have food in the pool area.' the lifeguard said. 'I know,' Jackie spoke up. 'I wasn't going to eat it here. I was just unwrapping it here.' " [Blue light special! Aisle 13! BALONEY!]Jackie then proceeds to order ridiculous amounts of junk food at the snack bar, which he doesn't have enough money to pay for (why are kids always doing this? The girls on Full House did this too, and I never found it funny then either. That shit is expensive! What makes these kids think they deserve it?) and despite the fact that he has created tons of additional work for the cashier and held up a huge line of people, Kristy just lets him get away without even a word of reprimand. Finally, after lunch, he disappears without a word and doesn't respond even when Kristy has the lifeguard's paging him over the loudspeaker for 10 minutes. His excuse when he finally shows up? He was taking a shower to get the chlorine out of his hair (what is he, a 14 year old girl?) and didn't hear anything over the sound of the water running. KRISTY DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING. The kid is 7 years old! That's old enough to know that you don't wander off without telling the baby-sitter, and old enough to be punished (severely!) if you do. "Kristy stared at him for a moment. There were a million things she could say to him, but what would be the point? Jackie was Jackie. A walking disaster!" NO. NO. NO. That sort of behavior is not "walking disaster" it is "spoiled brat." I have absolutely no patience with this child and this entire chapter and any plotline involving Jackie Rodowsky is nothing but a gigantic aggravation to me. (As I'm sure you've already figured out.)
Also, Jessi is baby-sitting for the Pikes' hamster while they are in Sea City. She loses it and freaks out. Honestly, Jessi just doesn't have good luck with pet-sitting in general and hamsters in particular. It's kind of pathetic. In the end, it's apparently her baby brother Squirt who took the Pike hamster, Frodo, out of his cage and put it in the same cage as Becca's hamster, Misty. Yeah, right. Like a 1 year old can unlatch a cage, catch a wriggling hamster, take it into another room, unlatch a second cage, and drop the hamster in it. I can't even do that, and my hand-eye coordination, while far from exceptional, has to be better than Squirt's, right?
Conclusion: I was actually on the Jersey Shore just last week, and I didn't meet a single hot guy. Why can't my life be more like a BSC novel?
Now this was a way better Sea City book than the first one, although the first book was alright. I thought Mary Anne's view was Alright and much better.
ReplyDeleteOmg was Stacey such a bitch(no offense). Gheesh Stacey, we understand that Toby broke up with you and all, but do you have to take out your bitchiness out on Mary Anne, when Mary Anne was being nice to your ass? I still like Stacey though, but i thought i would point that out.
Awww, poor Vanessa. her first real crush and that jerk likes her for fugly Mallory. Clearly the boy has bad taste in women. But im proud of vanessa for handling it in a cool way, rather than being a bitch about it like Mallory would if that were to happen to her. That's what you gotta love about Vanessa Pike.
Alex sounds alright, but Cary Retlin would of been a much better choice.(i know, way ahead of the future there, its just that i can't help but like Cary Retlin.)