She baby-sits, she recycles---She's Super-Dawn!

The Baby-Sitters Club #57: Dawn Saves the Planet

Oh, Dawn. I think the reason I have a copy of this book is because my mom bought it as a gift for me when I was going through my own "Budding Environmentalist" phase, wherein I subscribed to Ranger Rick (does anyone else remember that magazine? I loved it! and side note, I just learned it still exists!) and yelled at my dad every time he threw away the newspaper. And then I grew up, and realized environmentalist girl really wasn't me, and now I'm the kind of person who sometimes forgets/is too lazy to put her empty wine bottles in the blue bin instead of the black one, and is probably going to hell. See you there.

List of things that are going wrong with the environment at this very moment (1992), as written by Mrs. Gonzalez, "who is very cool and has long dark hair that she wears in a thick braid down the center of her back" (Ok, this is relevant how? Is this some sort of standard for being cool? Someone enlighten me!) and as read aloud to the rest of the class by Dawn the brown-noser:

• Acid Rain and Air Pollution
• Vanishing Animal Life
• Too Much Garbage
• Water Pollution

Yeah, acid rain has really come back to bite us in the butt, huh? This book is so old! Not that it wasn't/isn't a problem, but when was the last time you really heard anything about acid rain? I'm surprised there's no mention of the "Greenhouse Effect". No mention of Global Warming or Climate Change anywhere. So old-school! (And I'm going to say right now, since I'm going to be making fun of a lot in this book, that does not mean I intend to make light of environmental issues. I fully accept and support that these issues exist and need to be addressed politically, socially, and ethically. But can we all agree to do that while still making fun of Dawn for being such a crunchy granola hippy?)

Assignment: Pick one of these topics and create a project to address it. Ready? GO! Of course, the Dawn-inator (this would totally be her superhero name) is all over that shiz.

Dawn to the other BSC members at lunch: "Guess what? I'm going to save the planet."

Claudia (deadpan): "It's about time."

Me: "Ha!" Love when they're bitchy to each other.

Dawn comes up with the brilliant project idea of teaching a class on environmentalism to the BSC kids after a sitting job with the Barretts that serves entirely as a lesson to us all on the dangers of tuna fishing to dolphins and other marine life. Man, another environmental problem of the early 90's that you don't hear much about anymore, right? Dawn also teaches them to reuse plastic bags and to cut the plastic rings surrounding six-packs of soda. Man, I was religious about that as a kid. And really, that lesson carried over to my early years in NYC, when I lived on six-packs of Diet Coke I bought for $1.99 at Fairway and carried 12 blocks back to my 450-sq-ft, 3 roommate Upper West Side apartment. Those were the days. 

Anyway, Stace and Dawn are going to work on this project together, so I'm sure that will go well.  And they are going to use the book "50 Simple Things Kids Can Do to Save the Earth" which I totally checked out of the library back in the day. They get super excited but don't think things all the way through, so when they call Kristy's house to see if David Michael is interested in participating, they don't have answers to the very basic questions Kristy asks them. At least they have the good grace to be ashamed and glad that they called Kristy first and not some of the parents who would surely have thought they were "airheads" (Stacey's word. I would have gone with the more classic "Dumbasses".) But I will say, one of Kristy's big bees in her bonnet was "How would David Michael get to Stacey's house for the classes and then get home?" and I have to say, I don't really think that's Dawn and Stacey's problem, Kristy. That sounds like a family issue for you and your mom and Watson and Nannie and Charlie to work out. And seriously, if not one of those people is available for transport, then probably DM should just not participate. Really not the end of the world. Finally, they end up with a class of 13 kids, and I thank my lucky stars that Jackie Rodowsky is not one of them, although the Insufferable Karen Brewer is, much to my chagrin.

First class, and we finally get a mention of the ozone layer! I mean, really, weren't we all talking about the hole in the ozone back in 1992? How did we get this far into this book without it coming up? The project for this class is to bury stuff in the backyard and see if it's biodegradable. Haha. I tried to do this (I must have gotten an entire summer's worth of activities out of this book) but ran up against a few problems. 1) Maureen McGill must be far less attached to her lawn than my dad was-- he absolutely was not going to stand for me digging random holes in his precious grass (Yes. I grew up both suburban and middle-class. Terrifying combination.) and 2) after my parents agreed that I could conduct this experiment in the field behind our property (what did they care? It didn't belong to us) I promptly buried the stuff and then forget where I buried it, so when it came time to dig it up, I couldn't find it, and grew bored after about 3 attempts and gave up. Somewhere, in the midwest behind a house we no longer own in a field that last I heard was being developed into a new subdivision of mini Mcmansions, a styrofoam cup remains un-bio-degraded (not a word, I'm aware.) I hope that someday, some other strange kid will take a shovel to their backyard and discover this little gem.

Dawn realizes that Stoneybrook only has one recycling bin and believes there should be greater access. Ok, I support that. She decides she wants to turn SMS into a recycling collection center. This seems to me like something that is going to require more than little ol' Dawn to get accomplished. There's technology and permits and liability to consider. I call BS. But she creates this whole plan and presents it to Mrs. Gonzalez, who is impressed. Oh, Mrs. Gonzalez. Up your standards, honey. So Dawn also presents to the vice-principal who gives her a week to drum up some interest from the student body (apparently, they are going to be the volunteers who run the center, which seems to basically consist of collecting recyclables in cardboard boxes in the school parking lot... which leads me to say "...and then what?" I guess they're going to have parents drive the stuff downtown to the bin? I don't think this is as great an idea as the SMS staff seems to think. But then, they are the idiots who though the "Teachers of Tomorrow" program was a good idea, so I don't have a great amount of faith in them anyway.) which she does by accosting them in the hallway and yelling at them about not recycling their cans and eating fast-food burgers out of styrofoam containers. MA tells her to calm the F down. She does not.

The school has to vote on whether they would support the recycling program and who should lead it. Um... what? Why is this put to a vote? Anyway, the choices are Dawn, Mrs. Gonzalez, and "Other, please specify." I choose Other, Please Specify. Definitely. Anyway, Recycling Program: thumbs up. Dawn as chairperson: resounding thumbs DOWN (thumbs DAWN! Oh, I slay myself with my puns!) Dawn is all distraught and then realizes that everyone hates her because she's been super-obnoxious with all her recycling mumbo jumbo but still really doesn't get it, and then acts like a petulant brat by pretty much refusing to volunteer to assist with the project since no one wants her to lead it, although Mrs. G does get her to work on the "newsletter" (this sounds like a made up job to me) and she does deign to attend opening day, but is again petulant that the newspaper article written about the project does not feature a photo of her and only mentions her name 3 times. Cry me a damn river, Dawn (which might help with the Northeast drought you spent 10 minutes lecturing Shawna Riverson about). Then she throws a shit fit when Mrs. Gonzalez is honored at the "opening ceremony" as the brains behind the operation, instead of her. Oy.

But Dawn still doesn't learn her lesson, as she continues firing orders at Stacey and the rest, now focused on the ridiculous "Green Fair" that is the culminating event for the class she and Stace have been teaching. The Green Fair is another dumb BSC event involving kids in booths in somebody's backyard that would never in a million years actually take place or draw any more of a crowd than a few long-suffering parents. And even most of them would just see this "event" as a chance for a little more free baby-sitting on a Saturday morning. Finally, they all have it out with her at a BSC meeting, calling her out on the Eco-Maniac she's become (Claud's words. I would have gone with "Self-Righteous Jackass" myself) and setting her straight- she can't change the world by somehow browbeating everyone else into believing the same as her and behaving in perfect accordance with her ideals all the time. Hmm. This seems like a wider lesson most of the world could stand to learn.

The Green Fair comes and goes and it's all very lovely. The kids have learned a lot (even if some of them have been behaving pretty Dawn-ish about this stuff, such as the Pike kids who took it upon themselves to become the Green Patrol and making Mal and Jessi sit through numerous turns in "Green School" for various minor infractions such as using a paper towel. Oh fine, I laughed. But only because in a "Death is not an Option" scenario between Mal and the rest of the Pikes, I'm never inclined to vote for Mal.) Dawn and Stacey get an A. Dawn learns a life lesson.

I finish another bottle of wine and this time, I actually remember to recycle the bottle.